Raising Godly Offspring
There are moments when I read Scripture and I have to stop. Not because I don't understand what the text says, but because I understand it a little too well.
I had one of those moments recently while studying Malachi.
In Malachi 2, God is confronting His people about what has happened inside their homes. Their marriages had become self-centered and faithless, and in the middle of that confrontation, Malachi tells us something incredibly important about God's purpose for the family.
Godly offspring.
That phrase hit me hard.
Because He doesn't say successful offspring.
And if I can be honest, I want my kids to be successful. I want them to have opportunities I never had. I want them to do well in school. I want them to find something they're good at and work hard at it. I want them to grow up and have good jobs, good marriages, and good lives.
He doesn't say happy offspring either.
Wendy and I work incredibly hard to give our kids a good life. Like every parent, I want my children to be happy.
He doesn't say academically gifted offspring. He doesn't say scholarship offspring. He doesn't say D1 offspring.
And He certainly doesn't say athletic offspring.
What Are We Really Raising?
That one gets me.
Our family loves sports. We spend a ridiculous amount of our lives at basketball courts, tennis courts, softball fields, football fields, and baseball fields. I grew up playing sports. Wendy loves sports. Our kids love sports. There is nothing wrong with that.
But if I'm not careful, I can spend more energy developing my child's athletic ability than developing their walk with Jesus.
I can become more concerned about what college they attend than whether they love the Word of God.
I can teach them, without ever actually saying it, that tournaments are more important than worship, comfort is more important than service, and success is more important than surrender.
God didn't primarily give me my children so I could make them successful.
He gave me my children so I could make disciples.
He called Wendy and me to raise worshipers. To raise young men and women who know Jesus, love Jesus, trust Jesus, and are willing to follow Jesus wherever He calls them.
And that last part matters.
Because eventually, godly children have to be released.
Children Are Arrows
I've always loved that picture, but think about what it actually means.
An arrow isn't made to stay in the quiver.
You prepare it so you can send it.
Maybe one of the problems with Christian parenting is that we've become really good at protecting our arrows and forgotten that we're supposed to prepare them.
Of course I want to protect my children. That's part of being their dad. But protection cannot be the ultimate goal of parenting.
Eventually, I have to prepare them to follow Jesus into places where I cannot protect them.
That's where this gets difficult for me as a parent.
It's one thing to say,
“Lord, my children belong to You.”
It's another thing to say,
“Lord, send them wherever You want.”
What If God's Plan Is Different From Ours?
What if God calls one of my children across the world?
What if He calls them to a difficult place?
What if His plan for their life doesn't look anything like the plan Wendy and I imagined for them?
What if following Jesus means they don't live close to us?
What if obedience costs them something?
Am I raising my children to follow Jesus wherever He leads, or am I raising them to follow Jesus as long as He keeps them comfortable, successful, and close to home?
That's a question Christian parents need to wrestle with.
Because if our children really belong to God, then our prayer cannot simply be, “God, keep them safe.”
It also has to be:
The safest possible life is not necessarily the most faithful life.
The Mission Field May Be Sitting in Our Children's Ministry
This is something I wish more churches understood.
We talk about reaching the nations. We pray for missionaries. We give to missions. We celebrate people who leave everything behind and carry the Gospel into places where Jesus isn't known.
But where do we think the next generation of missionaries is going to come from?
They're sitting in our children's ministries.
They're running through our hallways.
They're in Awana.
They're sitting in our student ministry.
They're eating dinner at our kitchen tables.
They're riding in the backseat on the way to ball practice.
Some of the children we are raising right now may one day carry the Gospel into places we will never go.
And if we're going to pray for God to reach the nations, we also have to be willing to pray:
That changes the way we parent.
I'm not simply trying to raise a kid who stays out of trouble, gets good grades, makes the team, goes to college, gets a good job, buys a house, and gives me grandkids.
Those may all be wonderful things.
But they're not the mission.
The mission is godly offspring.
What Are We Teaching Them?
This is the question I've had to wrestle with personally.
What am I actually teaching my children?
Not just with what I say, but with the way our family lives.
We can tell them Jesus is the most important thing in the world while organizing our entire family around everything except Jesus.
We can tell them church matters while allowing everything else to push worship to the margins.
We can tell them serving others matters while teaching them that their comfort always comes first.
We can tell them to surrender their lives to Jesus while quietly hoping He never asks them to surrender anything that costs us something too.
That is where I have found myself praying the same prayer I prayed while studying Malachi:
Because I forget.
I forget that my children's greatest need isn't a scholarship.
It isn't an impressive résumé.
It isn't athletic success.
It isn't even for them to accomplish more than I accomplished.
Their greatest need is Jesus.
And my greatest responsibility as their father is to point them toward Him.
Raise Them to Be Sent
One day, my children will leave my home.
That's the goal.
The arrows aren't supposed to stay in the quiver.
So until that day comes, I want to sharpen them. I want to prepare them. I want to teach them the Word of God. I want them to see what repentance looks like. I want them to watch their mom and dad worship. I want them to understand that following Jesus is worth whatever it costs.
And when God draws back the bow and determines where He wants to send them, I pray Wendy and I have enough faith to open our hands.